dreams are dreams and life is nothing like it. you don't play the game, you win it or you lose it. you find it or you dont. this bitch isnt working. this bitch. this life. its a bitch. its a mother fucking bitch. what about those bitches who pity me and come right back and say "HEY YOU. IF YOU WERE SMART, YOU'D GO TO COLLEGE, YOU'D LOVE YOUR MAMA AND YOU'D COCK THIS SHIT. FUCK IT, MAKE MONEY AND YOU'LL BE HAPPY. BUY THINGS AND WEAR NICE CLOTHES AND MEET RICH PEOPLE AND MARRY ONE." no i'm not happy like that. i have a twinkle in my eye. its not like anyone elses. i'm not sucking myself into that hole. i'm doing what i want. i'm out of here after high school. i'm going to college by myself. i'm doing it by myself. fuck this shit. this house is a shell until i crack it. i just need the right key and i wont get it for two more years.

i'll do what i gotta do. i'll make the money and i'll play the fucking hole. i'll dig this hole to shit to get where i need to get. if i need to climb out, god bless i'll find a way. i dont know why money sucks us all in. i'd wear a backpack for the rest of my life. if i could. i will. and maybe somebody will come with me. somebody i dont know, and i'd grow to admire. grow to like. grow to want. GROW fucking grow.

who grows like this? not wanting to live like they should. i'll pop the bubble. its expensive.

i'm sorry about the action i took. josh, i'm sorry you dont think this is me. who the fuck am i? well. i'm not pretending. i'm not acting. right, who am i to say who i am.

i think this music just ... gets me moving and words feeling like grooves and parts of me and i'm not. this isnt me.

well
is it?

thers nothing i can do about it. we'll see how things go. how things grow.

just a little egg. thats all.