being what it is, it's just enough

11:56 p.m. - 07.31.03 - the purpose of me

this is here to concern no one, or to judge anyone or to bother anyone. read if you will, comment what you may. i will not change what i think for you if i have not asked an opinion and taken it to heart. when i told you i didnt care, and all you said was that you did, i understood that you were giving me a hug when i didnt ask for one. which was very thoughtful and warm, as always. but do you remember how i felt about hugs? not always wanting them. i think sometimes i feel overwhelmed by them or that i need so much more space. and sometimes when i am jumped about so quickly, i dont feel as if my space is appropriately measured. i care, i dont, i love, i wont, i hate, i feel, i trust, i share, i write... and thats that.

i'm going to write a book one day. and it's going to bother me all the nice things people will say. whether or not my book is very good, there will be nice things i'm sure. but i am not good about recieving compliments because i awkwardly smile and spoil the moment before i thought anyone could have.

to make up for that, i'd either shake it off and keep walking and smiling, or pretend I didnt say something so stupid and spontaneously bring up a new conversation with someone else.

so there is nothing about anyone that i am feeling but love. and i love everyone and hope that everyone should love me the same. i am good.

but i am VERY very bad at cleaning. so i should get to that, and finish reading a book and hopefully go for a jog in the rain tomorrow.

strong and steady. that is the purpose of me.

before or after