so i trust you know what you're dealing with. my parents, whom my brother has dealt with (in many respects) more than i have.

an artist. i am such an ameteur. but sometimes when i would stay home forever, i'd put two and two together. there you'd be standing upstairs with sandbags in your eye lids. and when i'd make a coffee, you'd ask me for the same and smile. willingly, of course. i'd make sure your coffee was just as you wanted it. although all you said was you wanted one just like mine.

and through all the phases of short, long, dark, soft, light, in, out and around. you've always said the same thing. cream and sugar. and you told me i'd be beautiful forever, and you said it like you would be looking at my face for just that long. and you took my idea of the side of the pencil and you showed me there was a reason you did it your way. you were right, after all.

and still the first time with the fingerprints and the hand movements and the feet with the puppetear sharing the bed that night. yes, that movie will bring back my smile and anxious stomach.

and finally, the scattered memories of the 3 times will now shed. because. indeed, there is much love. because everything is so carefully laid out and spread so that to be balanced out for the next time around. what the hell, we had nothing more to lose.

and every time i could not control the pain that rushed through every marrow of bone. things changed from a to z when you said you'd call me. and i think you've lost a piece of paper already. with my name and address. and i think it was you twice who called and hung up, thinking i was my mother.

i'm sorry for whatever. sometimes the sky turns grey and nobody's lookin. and i swear this world was mellow yellow when you told me you wanted to call. a liquid dream; why?! of course, the usual. there was no reason. seventeen thousand more miles could keep us together like we are now. no words for six months and then things to share like touches and smiles.

and row boats away, you're gloaming.

and its just me waiting. tonight