i call home for a ride from work and the line is busy. i think; it must be nana or josh... who else do my parents talk to for over ten minutes? and i keeeep calling and calling and calling. the line is still fucking busy. apparently my mother was too damn lazy to hang up the phone (... push the power button?) and make sure that when i was out of work i could call. i really do remember when josh worked at pizza cucina, we weren't alowed to be online or on the phone from 7:30 until josh called to be picked up. i remember mom pushing josh so much. did she give up? is she out of ammo? i feel like i'm just left over and she's trying to scrape me off the plate. waiting for two more years. waiting and waiting.

and that's not at all the biggest problem in my life. who knows what IS the biggest problem in my life, but that's not it.

going to bed soon good night