so i didn't want to forget the anniversary of the attempted murder of america. the time when we all fell but supported each other and kept each other alive. we fought back and mostly what we did was right but there was no plus for me. in fifty years, it's all going to be about the money. in fifty years, this wouldn't have been worth it. but in fifty years, it's already been done and written about in the history books. because in history, nothing is forgotten, and we repeat even when our teachers tell us that we always repeat history and to learn from history. because america is stupid enough to go after the money. and so do i, because i'm used to the american ways. i took the job with more money this summer. but now i work more and it makes me happy. i come home with sore knees and millions of knots in my back and a belly full of clams but it makes me happy. i work so hard and am always cheering people up and can gossip about the horrible waitress and the weird customers and freak out when we lose money or when orders turn out wrong. its all fun and usually never worth the time and effort. but because we can; we can own restaurants and serve people and make people as happy as they can possibly be and behind all that, its still all about the money. i always see the money people leave on their tables, and the money they don't. i think its rude when they don't because its MY time they're taking... even though they've just spent 4 times as much money on their meal than we did. well. i won't get into the tactics.

i know i'm overworking myself. i always do. but i forget life easier that way. i dont like remembering everything so awful in my life. so mixed up. i have just enough time to love and cherish eveyrthing, and finish my homework and love my family and appreciate my friends. i can get down to the dirt now with little time. theres no questioning what's right.

i love it. god bless josh, i miss him so much.

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