being what it is, it's just enough

8:39 p.m. - 07.03.03 - flex my muscle

i want to feel the firmness form and smell the sweat sweetly. and sometimes i think i do... once i get home. i dont want to shower; because i think nothing will make of it. if i still smell, and if i'm still sore -- and i can still feel it working inside. the muscles with pulses. of course the sweetest part is the afterwards. after i dont know how much it has been. and i shouldn't bring a watch or keep time... so that i can just know what's right... and how much is too much.

and i hate this movie. who the fuck would make a room so they could be locked up inside of it.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I told my mother about eric. I was thinking about how she never comprehends what i'm saying much. Ever. But she listened. I told her that when I'm 18, she doesn't have much say in those choices. Sure, voice her opinion -- but it's my choice in the end. She said yes, but she hopes I'm wise for my age. And I'm not stupid for my age now... but I knew what she meant. I won't do big things just because I can because i'm 18.

And I want to visit RISD. I want to go to RISD. i want RISD. So bad. and i said eric is close to that. and she asked if i still was -- and i said yes, of course. and if i still communicate with him, and him with me, then he is going to be invited to my graduation. and he will attend.

so i wish and hope that still things remain the way i left them that thursday morning.

things will never be the same but things will grow and people will change. and maybe we'll find different directions, but friends if it comes to that, then it will be.

and there i will stay.

-ro

before or after